The trouble/importance of building habits

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This is a dramatic re-enactment of what I look like watching my online class lectures.

This is a dramatic re-enactment of what I look like watching my online class lectures at night.

I feel like the end of September is rapidly approaching, and I’m not sure I can successfully check off my good habits I had been working on. Before last week, things were going great, like beyond my wildest dreams great. I’d been avoiding night time snacking, getting my work done, going to the gym, planning meals. And then life happened, and I had to go back home for a week. I know that nobody would hold that against me, but life is always going to happen and I can’t just let things totally fall apart every single time.

The lesson this reinforces for me is that building habits, especially at the beginning, is like a house of cards. One wrong move and everything can fall apart. My habits were being built around the structure of my school life, not my home life. So, without a stronger foundation and more success under my belt, the habits didn’t stick. Things are better now that I’m back, if only because I don’t keep a lot of fun snacks at home, but I’m disappointed that I fell off such a huge winning streak for me.

And, as far as the organization goal… You know that nightmare everyone has, where they realize that they have a big exam for a class they forgot they were enrolled in? Well that’s actually my life, except I knew I was enrolled, I just put off watching the online lectures because.. I hate them, and I guess I was just waiting for a day that I might hate them a little bit less to start watching them. So this week, on top of everything, I will be sitting in front of my computer for 12 hours watching class. Boo.

But, in better news… after nearly two months without ANY running, this weekend I set out for a no expectations, getting-back-into-the-swing-of-things run, and ended up jogging for 60 minutes! I was really pleased, and I think that shows the power of cooler weather and cross training, which I’ve been doing all along. I have no goals for running right now, other than to keep doing it.

So, in lieu of a really pertinent question about habits or lifestyle changes.. I would like for you to leave me a link of your favorite procrastination site that I can refer to while taking study breaks. I love Dlisted and tracking the Ryan Gosling tag on Tumblr.

Put a vegetable on it!* Butternut Squash Cupcakes

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Maple Butternut Squash Cupcakes

Maple Butternut Squash Cupcakes

I use social events as an excuse to try new recipes, with varying degrees of success. Friday, the weather turned fall-like, and despite the fact that it was 90* the day before, I decided to run with that when choosing a dish to take to my friend Karla’s going away party. So, since I love putting vegetables in unexpected places*, and since I think pumpkin is the Marcia Brady of fall squash, I decided to take the pumpkin cupcake recipe from SmittenKitchen and tweak it using what I already had. I think using the pureed squash rather than the canned pumpkin made the cupcakes lighter, fluffier and more cake-like.

I grated nutmeg over the top to try to be fancy like the original recipe, but I'm not sure it worked. If you want fancy LOOKING cupcakes, someone needs to give me a cupcake school scholarship.

I grated nutmeg over the top to be fancy like the original recipe, but I'm not sure it worked. If you want fancy LOOKING cupcakes, someone needs to give me a scholarship to cupcake college.

Maple Butternut Squash Cupcakes

Serves a ton (the original recipe says 17 to 18 cupcakes, but I made minis and regular sizes, so I’m not exactly sure. But.. a lot of cupcakes.)

1 stick unsalted butter, room temperature
1 cup firmly packed dark-brown sugar
1/3 cup granulated sugar
2 cups flour (original recipe called for cake flour, but I just used plain baking flour. And no, I can’t figure out the difference in 30 seconds of googling, so I’m just letting you know what I used.)
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
2 eggs
1/2 cup buttermilk mixed with 1 Tbs vanilla
About 1 1/2 cups butternut squash, cubed (I used more and just measured out 1 1/4 cups after it was pureed.)

Frosting
Two (8-ounce) packages neufchatel cream cheese, softened
1 stick unsalted butter, softened
2 cups powdered sugar
1/4 cup maple syrup

Making cupcakes.

Making cupcakes.

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350*. Prepare squash for pureeing by peeling, slicing and boiling for about 10 minutes. Drain and then blend using wand mixer, food processor or blender. Mine was fluffy and about the consistency of baby food.

2. In a large bowl, cream butter and sugar together. Add eggs one at a time and continue to beat until creamy consistency.

3. In a separate bowl, mix dry ingredients (flour, spices, salt, pepper) and in a small container mix buttermilk, vanilla and butternut squash.

4. Slowly alternate pouring dry mix and buttermilk  into sugar and butter while mixing. The batter should be pretty smooth with not many lumps.

5. Pour batter into greased or lined cupcake tins. Bake time will depend on the size, but take them out of the oven when a toothpick can be removed cleanly from the center. My mini cupcakes took about 7-10 minutes, and the larger ones took about 17-20 minutes.

6. While they are cooking, cream together ingredients for frosting and chill in refrigerator until ready. I let the cupcakes and the frosting cool for about 30 minutes before icing.

7. Impress friends and vegetable haters with this sweet, mild fall treat.

I think the cupcakes were a hit at the party. Karla and her husband Cosmin are leaving for Romania soon, so I was glad I got to see them and learn some Romanian/Indian/American dance moves with them before they left.

Bon Voyage, Karla and Cosmin!

Bon Voyage, Karla and Cosmin!

Saying Goodbye

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Saying goodbye.

Saying goodbye.

As you may have seen on Twitter.. Sunday afternoon, my Dad told me that my grandmother Helen, who has been in a nursing home with Alzheimer’s and other health problems for about three years, wasn’t doing well. I got to the nursing home, held her hand and said by goodbyes, and about an hour later she passed away.

When someone dies at 91, the tragedy of death isn’t for the person who is gone, but for those who are left behind. When you lose a loved one to something like Alzheimer’s, the sadness begins a long time before they are gone. Was she comfortable? Did she feel lonely? Was she scared?

I probably didn’t inherit the genes that kept Helen’s hair from turning gray into her 90′s, but it is easy to see parts of her in my personality, and those qualities I’ll carry with me. We were both the shortest people in the room most of the time, and also the most stubborn. If you did something she didn’t like, she would let you know, and for better or worse, I’m the same way.  She’s the first person I remember showing interest in fitness – I remember doing the Jane Fonda aerobic record in her living room. Into her late 70’s, she was known for power walking around our town.

This week, I’ve been helping my family and going through all the motions of funeral preparation. There were tears, lots of food and stories, and also a healthy dose of inappropriate humor, because that’s how my family deals with things. Both of my grandfathers died when I was a child, and so this is my first adult experience with death. While I know there are no correct responses to loss, I have been mindful of my own experience, ranging from expected sadness to robotic coping. I prefer to deal with things alone, after ceremony and ritual is done, and so that’s why I kind of intentionally disappeared this week.

Thanks to everyone who has sent kind messages, thoughts and prayers this way. A week out of the work/school/etc. loop has left me feeling so behind, but I expect to be back to normal by next week.

Making it work: Tips for Weekly Lunch Prep

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This is a former lunch, but a good illustration of something I might be eating.

This is a former lunch, but a good illustration of something I might be eating.

So, if you know me even a little bit, you know I am not a type A personality. I like having a plan, but I also like wasting time and putting stuff in piles to lose later. When it comes down to it, I like having a schedule so that I know exactly how much time I have to lollygag before I have to get serious.

But, since school and work have started back, I knew I had to stop flying by the seat of my pants when it came to meals, so I’ve been making large batches of food to take as lunch and dinner.

I think without real food, it is easy to hit up the vending machine for food that I don’t feel good about and isn’t satisfying. Even in the school of public health, where we supposedly have  a “healthy side” of the vending machine, I don’t find huge nutritional differences between the “healthy snacks” and “regular snacks.” After, I’m still hungry and feeling guilty about wasting a $1 on a bag of baked potato chips.

This semester I crammed 32 hours of work and classes into a three day week. Yup, I know, pretty smart/stupid of me depending on which day it is. But you don’t have to have a four day weekend to do this. I tend to procrastinate until Monday evening to  prepare everything, and I’d say that excluding shopping time which you have to do anyway, actual time spent in the kitchen is only about an hour.

So far, I’ve lost about 9 pounds since I got home, from a combination of working out and meal planning. I thought I would share some of my tips in case you are looking for a way to save time and money during the work week.

Making it work: Weekly Lunch Prep Tips

1. Make food you actually want to eat. This is the most important part. Now isn’t the time to devote yourself to overly virtuous lunches. Yes, I know it seems like making yourself eat kale and tofu everyday for lunch would be a good plan. But it isn’t,  because you might make it the first day, but by the second day you will find yourself making any excuse to eat something else. You don’t want to have a sad lunch.

2. Don’t forget about your goals. Everyone has different needs for lunches. For me, I want something that is about 400 calories, contains vegetables and protein, and will keep me satisfied because my goal is weight loss.  Maybe you are looking to gain weight, maintain, eat more vegetables, save money… whatever. But you need to consider what you want before getting started.

3. Keep a list of meals that meet the requirements of #1 and #2. This can be a running list you keep, or recipes you’ve dog-earred in magazines. I think this helps me when I’m stumped at the grocery store. I usually only make two dishes per week, so it isn’t like you have to be super creative.

4. Be prepared. You’re going to need enough containers for your individual portions, something to carry it in, utensils to eat with, etc. I made the mistake last week of not packing any silverware with rice and beans. That’s not drinkable or appropriate finger food. It might help to keep a few extra (Clean!) forks/spoons at your work space or in your car depending on your day.

5. Make extra-extra. I’m often only cooking for one, but I tend to make recipes with 6 or more servings. If I make two dishes each week like this, I end up with extra servings to freeze later. So, as the semester gets busier, there will be weeks when I don’t have to cook at all because I’ve already got a week’s worth of meals frozen. This is also a good way to add variety to future week’s meal plans.

6. Think outside the box. I tend to make soups, curries, stir fries and other one-dish meals because.. well I already told you I’m lazy and I like them. But, I’ve had success making salads that kept well 2-3 days ahead just by waiting to add any wet ingredients. If you love sandwiches, you could also make something like chicken or tuna salad ahead of time.

7. Go halfsies. If you don’t want to make whole dishes ahead of time, take 30 minutes to chop, portion, or prepare parts of your favorite meals or snacks so that when you’re running late, you’re already halfway there. You could do this by making extra rice, pasta, sandwich spreads, chopped vegetables, etc.

So what are some ways you save time during the week? What are your favorite make-ahead or freezable dishes?

Bye bye, birthday month!

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I love cake with non edible things on it!

I love cake with non edible things on it!

I realized that I kind of stopped blogging about things I was doing. I swear that wasn’t because I stopped doing things. In fact, I think I’ve actually been doing more stuff in an attempt to put myself out there and say yes to social gatherings. But, now that my friends are tired of my blog and most of my readers aren’t real life friends yet,  I’m not sure how interesting these events would be to you. A back-to-school public health social? No. Alternacirque with belly dancing and lots of fire? Yeah, I probably should have thought to take better pictures there.

But the good news, is that slowly but surely I’m starting to feel like my old self. Even with some moments of very high stress in my personal life lately, I’ve still been able to keep my head on straight with a better routine and new habits. Unless you count the times when I just have to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling wondering, “How did I get here? Is this real life?” But maybe those moments have a place in my self-care plan too.

I would give myself a B+ on my first real week of cutting out nighttime snacking. Most of the problems come from poor planning. Having a last meal at 6, then working out til 10, and staying up until 2 doesn’t really work. But, this week I’m looking for high protein, low calorie snacks that I can have immediately after the gym. That way, I’m getting the right recovery foods without it turning into a snackfest.

As for the other lifestyle habit, I’m doing well when it comes to things I have to do. Setting alarms on my computer and phone is helping me keep track of appointments. But I need to be better about scheduling time to read for school rather than just putting it off until I run out of time.

I’m loving my new schedule and how easy it is to get work outs in. I’ve been doing Body Pump 2-3x week, along with some kind of cardio 45-60min 4-6x/week. Now that the weather is starting to feel less miserable, I’m feeling guilty about not taking the opportunity to run. I’ve decided not to focus on any real time/distance goals since my priority at the moment is weight loss, but I’d like to maintain the level I’m at since it took so long to get there.

A new challenge for a new year… 2 x 6 at 26.

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If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know that I have no qualms about running with a theme, no matter how gimmicky or pun-ny I have to be. Last year, when I turned 25 I wrote a list of 25 things I wanted to accomplish that year.

Months ago, I started thinking about what project or challenge I could do for 26. I decided against making another list, because honestly I couldn’t think of five new, interesting things I wanted to accomplish this year, much less 26. Combine that with the challenges already scheduled for this year: Passing my comprehensive exam, finding a practicum, graduating, finding a job, moving…?? All things I need to do before my next birthday.

So, rather than make a long list, I’ve decided to challenge myself to work on two new habits every two months (that’s… Six sets of Two habits). Every two months, I will pick one health habit and one life habit that I want to incorporate and work on. By the end of the two months, hopefully these habits will stick.

I’m starting a little late this month, but announcing my first two habits for Aug/Sept….

Healthy Habit: No more nighttime snacking. I wrote about this in my last blog, and like Summer said in the comments.. “I can go all damn day eating well and then when those midnight hunger pangs flare up, suddenly a handful of chips and some yogurt with granola and maybe a slice of leftover pizza seems like the best idea ever. Ugh. Bad.” 

After talking with a lot of people about food habits and weight loss, it seems like nighttime eating is a very specific behavior, and one of the hardest bad food habits to break. I am a night owl, so no food after dinner isn’t always an option. There is a huge difference, however, between a planned snack after the gym and continuous grazing until bedtime. Ideally, I would like to stop eating 3-4 hours before bed since I’m not usually doing much that needs “fueling” during these hours anyway.

Thai Chai and Late-Night Lizzie

Thai Chai and Late-Night Lizzie

For the last few days, I’ve been pretty resolved, and I’ve even shocked myself. Yes, four days without nighttime eating is an accomplishment for me! I’ve been drinking decaf Thai Coconut Chai with milk and stevia when I feel snacky, and the process of making it and drinking it has helped. It is nice to be able to feel good about an entire day, rather than the whole day until I ate all the leftovers at midnight.

Life Habit: Organize my time. I learned the hard way that making general goals doesn’t really work, so specifically this means that I will be using my calendar (Google + Syncing to phone) to schedule everything that actually needs to be done.  Using a calendar and sticking to it will not only help me with school and work, but it will also help to keep self care on my priorities list.

Have you made any goals this month? What are your strategies to keep your time organized? Favorite apps or websites?

Getting back into a different groove…the sweaty, gym kind

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While the fat, lazy and grumpy look totally works for her, it doesn't do so much for me.

While the fat, lazy and grumpy look totally works for her, it doesn't do so much for me.

So, when I got back to school-home after being at home-home for a month and a  half, I felt pretty awful. I mean, yes, part of that was loneliness and being sad to leave my family and home-friends, but what I physically I felt gross.

I initially thought I’d have a gym membership, but that didn’t work out. So I basically went from working out 4-5 times a week, mostly running and Body Pump, to doing… nothing. I think that’s probably the longest exercise vacation I’ve taken since I started exercising (aside from the time I was at Jubilee). I love exercise, and so getting into the gym has never been a problem for me. A few nights I was able to go walk/run, but for the most part I just wasn’t willing to kill myself in 100*/70% humidity weather to get a “Work out” in.

Combine that with birthday celebrations, a trip to the beach, parties and hang outs involving lots of drank, and my bad habit of late night snacking… ugh. At school-home, I never really buy snack foods that I like because I’m too prone to mindlessly overeating them, so even though I still eat too much at night, my selections are limited (Mmm… frozen broccoli).

At home-home, people live there who are NOT snack crazy Cookie Monsters, like me, and so they have stuff like… potato chips and Oreos around. Basically, snack foods are my Kryptonite, and I’m pretty sure I went to bed every night feeling like I had “ruined” a good day of eating with a lot of late night junk food.

I knew that I had gained weight because even my fat jeans were feeling like regular jeans, but I didn’t get on  the scale until after I’d had a week back on schedule to try and do better. Last week, I was 5lbs up. Which is no surprise. I mean, really if someone asked me how to gain weight I would tell them to eat a lot of junk food at night, drink alcohol often and stop working out. 

And no, five pounds is not the end of the world by any stretch of the imagination. But when you are trying to lose weight, five pounds is a solid step in the wrong direction. And it is a solid step towards a number, which shall not be spoken, that terrifies me. I’m sure everyone has a weight that they believe “other people” weigh, but that they would never let themselves weigh. Well, for me, that five pounds is just creeping closer to that “Only Other People Weigh This” number, and it really kind of freaked me out.

Feeling better from working out and eating right is always my primary motivator when it comes to maintaining a healthy lifestyle. After a week of working out (5 days at the gym!), eating normally, not drinking … and (3! days) of cutting out the nighttime snacking, I’m feeling so much better, and the scale has gone down.  I  want these actions to become habits that can make weight loss easier, and get me further away from those “Holy Shit”-numbers on the scale.

So, I’m looking for inspiration… have you ever made a lifestyle change into a habit? How? It doesn’t have to be weight/food/whatever related, I just want to know that it is possible!! 

I did it! Trying something new… Quick Baja Fish Tacos

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Fish tacos so easy, even I can make them!

Fish tacos so easy, even I can make them!

I should clarify that I’m not new to eating fish tacos, I’m just new to making them. I’ve always kept my distance from cooking with seafood just because it tends to be expensive and occasionally skeeves me out with its little eyeballs or tentacles or other body parts I am more comfortable letting someone else take care of.

But, as I said yesterday, I needed to get back in the kitchen if only to get my cooking mojo back. I had seen a recipe for fish tacos in a recent Cooking Light, but didn’t save it anywhere so I had to do a quick google search at the grocery. I ended up with this recipe for Baja Fish Tacos from a few years back instead.

At first I thought this was too many ingredients for just one person, but after I started cooking I realized it is really easy. You could make it more DIY by making your own taco seasoning, but I used a premixed version from the store.

Much easier than I initially expected.

Much easier than I initially expected.

Quick Fish Tacos

Ingredients (makes about 4-5 tacos)

2 Tilapia fillets, uncooked and chopped into bite sized pieces
1 Tbs Lime juice
1 Tbs Taco seasoning
1 tsp oil
4-5 6inch corn tortillas
About 1 cup shredded cabbage
About 1 Tbs diced onion
1 Tbs sour cream
Extra limes for garnish

Directions
1. Mix taco seasoning and lime juice. Toss tilapia in mixture until coated.
2. Add fish to saute pan with oil over medium-to-high heat.
3. While the fish is cooking, mix cabbage, onions and sour cream.
4. Heat tortillas according to the package (I stuck mine in the microwave for 10 seconds,w wrapped in paper towels.) Add a spoonful of cabbage to tortillas.
5. When fish are completely cooked, top the cabbage mixture with the fish and serve with lime slices.

At first I was worried that the “slaw” wouldn’t have enough flavor without salt or pepper, but I think the creaminess is a good balance for the saltiness of the fish. I was really surprised how much I liked these, even though they are different from the more traditional fish tacos I’ve had in the past.

Nutritional Info per taco: 128 calories, 3.2g fat, 14.7g carbs, 2.2g fiber, 12.6g protein. WW+ 3 points.

As blog as my witness.. I will take time to make an actual dinner! …One day.

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I’m not sure if we are all experiencing the same astrological down turn or what, but sometimes it seems like there are mental/emotional blogger trends. Or, maybe more likely since I write a personal blog and tend to spend hours a day thinking about myself (research!)… I just notice when people are going through what I’m going through. Lots of break ups lately.. and people realizing they are in a funk.. and the one that might even make a bigger impact on the writing of people mildly interested-to-obsessed with food – lots of people avoiding the kitchen.

I would bet part of this is because of the heat, because who wants to stand around in a hot ass kitchen when you could be laying pantsless in a body of water somewhere? I recently came back to Columbia-home after a month of being home-home, where I actually cooked a lot for my family. But none of it was very adventurous.. I mean, who wants to see pictures of me cooking another stir fry? Show of hands? … Anyone?
Ok, so here I am, back to feeding just myself and wanting to eat nothing but granola bars and yogurt. With good intentions, Monday, I looked for recipes I might want to make, made a shopping list and went to two grocery stores restocking my bare refrigerator. And then.. I was too lazy to cook anything. Instead, I heated up some soup I’d frozen, and decided I would make something the next day.

Instead, yesterday and today I’ve had spinach salad and sandwiches for pretty much every meal, and for those of you following along.. neither of those requires cooking.
So here, in front of the blog world, I’m promising that today I’m actually going to prepare something that doesn’t exclusively involve stacking ingredients on each other. Because (as Melissa said..) I’m worth it!

Ok, serious questions.. How do you find motivation to make real food for yourself? Or does it even matter? Am I the only one who feels guilty eating cereal for dinner more than once a week?

The highlight of Birthday Month: Birthday Week!

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So, if you didn’t catch my very subtle hints on Twitter, yesterday was my birthday! In my mind, I’m staying firmly at 23, but in “human age,” I am 26. Over the hump to 30 and 50. But, I know how hard I roll my eyes when I hear 20 years olds complaining about getting older, so I can only assume that whining about turning 26 is basically the same.

For those of you following along … last year on my birthday I made a list of 25 things that I wanted to accomplish in that year. Unfortunately, some of them aren’t really measurable (Thanks, Grad School, for teaching me how to make better goals), and some of them just didn’t get accomplished (Thanks again, Grad School for distracting me from losing 50lbs!), but in general… I’m really happy that I set those goals. They pushed me outside my comfort zone in some ways, and kept me focused in other ways.

I love using birthdays as a time to reflect on where I’ve been and where I’m going, but I’m still trying to organize my thoughts into writing. I know that the coming year is going to be insane, but I can’t remember the last time I really knew a year in advance where life was going to lead me.  I know that would drive some people nuts, but it makes me feel like the possibilities are unlimited.

Off the top of my head, my best memories from this year: ZenMama’s birthday in Columbia, New Years Eve, New Orleans, garden time with my Dad, visiting Jubilee, meeting Donald Glover and my ATL trip with Katie, getting to know my HPEB friends, and the beach trip.

Loosely, my hopes for this year: to graduate the MPH program (passing my comps, finding a practicum, and passing all my classes); to do well in my graduate assistant position; to continue working on myself and finding my “groove,”; to act like an adult when necessary (paying bills on time, knowing when to hold my tongue, watching less reality TV); to make self care an ongoing priority especially in times of stress; to keep questioning my opinions and actions so I can give love bigger, better and wastefully.

One of my favorite gifts this year, being examined. All the way from India, via Carlton in DC.

One of my favorite gifts this year, being examined. All the way from India, via Carlton in DC.

Thanks to everyone who has humored me this week, month and the last 26 years, bought me gross birthday drinks, let me watch what I wanted on TV, spoiled me with gifts and sent me happy birthday wishes. It has really been one of my best birthdays, and I feel biiiiig love. Tonight, I celebrate my grandma’s birthday tonight, tomorrow I’m headed to Jubilee for a wedding, then Sunday it is back to my real life in Columbia.